Today was not easy. Granted, it was atypical, as I had to be gone the whole day, but it was the first day. The first day of leaving babygirl for a significant amount of time with non-family. Rinne spent the morning with her Aunt, and everything went really well. We are so lucky to have my sisters so close, and she absolutely adores them. Well, as much as a five-month-old can, I suppose. So Rinne hangs at home for the morning, while I sit through tedious introductions and other first-day procedures that seem less than satisfying. Of course, I have an impossible time concentrating, and spend the first 3 hours of the day watching the clock. Needless to say, I didn't get much out of my absence.
Late morning I drive home, feed babygirl, and we play a bit. Mar gives me the "highlights" that I've missed, and we prepare for the sitters'. All the while I'm not thinking about leaving my child for the afternoon, driving away, sitting aimlessly at school while she is in the company of "strangers." No, of course all of this hits me as I walk out their door. Desperately trying to save face, I walk quickly to my car before all composure is lost. I call Ry and he consoles me as much as is possible over the phone...reminding me that I am not a bad mother and that babygirl is in good hands. The rest of the afternoon passes much like the beginning of the day, in a blurry haze of wasted conversation. Don't get me wrong-I like my job; I like what I do and those with whom I work- but some things are just bigger. It seemed so trivial...this day. In the realm of life, relationships, and love, what is a day of work? A day away from where I really want to be? At this juncture, I don't have much of a choice, but I know that taking her home this afternoon really made my day.
1 comment:
Jayme,
I hope you don't find it creepy that I'm reading your blog, but I guess as someone who's thinking ahead to having kids, reading about your journey is both intriguing and enlightening. I read this post and the part about how all the work stuff seems so trivial really struck a chord with me. I don't even have a kid, I'm not even marriedd,(but I may as well be at this point), and I feel the exact same way. And I know that feeling will only intensify with kids. Isn't that funny? I have to laugh because even with my inexperience last year as a first year teacher, I know I was far more passionate than I am now.
Now, each day I just get excited about coming home! And I still enjoy what I do, but having a fulfilling home life with good relationships puts your life in perspective. It's nice to know someone else feels that way!
By the way, Corinne is SO beautiful. You guys are such a good looking family.
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